The jotter’s dilemma

I’m back, after pretty much a year of not updating the blog because…

…Well I had a problem around  spring last year, that came out of the  blue and  set me back on my heels. Yeah, I know it didn’t take a year to recover but the head got a bit fudgie and I got a case of the frits for a long while. I’ve composed a couple of things and revisited those that were in progress, along the way I got a positive response to a small (very small)  piece, that isn’t up here yet, that caused me to ponder a few questions about the jotting game. Criticism may be difficult to cope with occasionally but I found praise to be absolutely torturous, don’t worry, I managed to emulate the requisite grace and I think I got away with it. It’s just that the stress it caused  was a bit of a surprise, it’s not that I wasn’t happy, it was like a light being turned on in pitch black of the solitude you experience as a child at night. So is it the happiness that’s the problem, because you know it always ends? I really dunno but coping seemed to entail sending off a couple of submissions so I could find comfort in the familiar misery of failure. To secure rejection, I went so far to as tell some poor editor how bad I thought his journal was in the covering letter, which is a genuine lapse of grace and most likely unnecessary anyway. The problem I had with the guy’s journal wasn’t contrived though, I just didn’t get it, with anything he had there and that was true for pretty much all the stuff I was reading anywhere. Which in turn raises a problem, submitting to journals you have no empathy for, is not really honest is it? Anyway, the guy kept his cool and stayed professional, he even wrote, ‘…feel free to submit again…’ thank god for those more conscientious than I. Eventually I did find  a story I connected with, it was like that light being turned on again, let’s see if we can keep that lamp alive awhile before the gloom creeps back.

~ by deadspidereye on February 12, 2015.

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